Overcoming insecurity in new relationships after post-traumatic stress

 

    Hi, today I want to share an interesting topic, namely ""Overcoming Insecurity in New Relationships After Post-Traumatic Stress",  The reason I chose this topic is because many couples are not ready to heal when they experience injustice in a relationship, Some couples try to consult a psychologist to get enlightenment and healing from trauma, here's a more in-depth guide on how to overcome insecurity in new relationships after experiencing post-traumatic stress, 

 

- Understanding the Challenge: Building a new relationship after experiencing trauma can be very challenging. Past traumatic experiences can trigger feelings of insecurity, anxiety, and deep-seated fear, which in turn can affect how you connect with your new partner.

- Key Principles: Acknowledge and accept your feelings, communicate openly and honestly, prioritize self-care, and seek professional support if needed.

 

1. Acknowledge and Validate Your Feelings 

- Recognizing Your Emotions: The first step is to identify the specific emotions you are feeling. Are they fear, anxiety, distrust, or a combination of all of these? Recognizing these emotions is key to starting to cope with them.

- Example: Record your feelings in a journal every day. This can help you identify patterns and triggers.

- Validating Your Feelings: Remind yourself that your feelings are valid and reasonable. Trauma can leave deep and lasting emotional wounds. Don't underestimate or ignore your feelings.

- Example: Say to yourself, "It's okay to feel scared. I've been through a lot, and it's natural for me to feel this way."

- Avoiding Self-Blame: Don't criticize or blame yourself for feeling insecure. This is a natural response to your past experiences. Remember that you are in the process of healing.

- Example: Instead of thinking, "I'm too sensitive," try thinking, "I'm responding based on my past experiences, and I'm learning how to respond in a healthier way."

 

2. Communicate Openly with Your Partner 

- Choosing the Right Time: Choose a quiet and private time and place to talk to your partner. Make sure you both feel comfortable and are not rushed.

- Being Honest and Open: Share your past experiences and how those experiences affect you now. This will help your partner understand you better.

- Example: Say, "I want to be honest with you about something that has happened in my life. I experienced [trauma], and it sometimes makes me feel."

- Using "I" Statements: Express your feelings without blaming your partner. This helps create a safe space for honest communication.

- Example: Instead of saying, "You make me anxious," try saying, "I feel anxious when [situation] is different than my expectations."

- Listening Actively: Pay full attention to your partner's responses and show empathy. Try to understand their perspective.

- Example: Ask questions like, "How do you feel about what I just shared?" or "Is there anything you want to ask me?"

- Setting Boundaries: Clearly communicate your boundaries and needs. This helps create a healthy and mutually respectful relationship.

- Example: Say, "I might need some alone time when I feel overwhelmed. Can you respect that?"

 

3. Practicing Self-Care 

- Mindfulness: Practice being fully present in the moment. This can reduce anxiety and help you stay grounded.

- Example: Try deep breathing exercises or meditation. There are many apps and online resources that can help you get started.

- Physical Health: Exercise regularly, eat a balanced diet, and get enough sleep. Good physical health can improve your mental health.

- Example: Schedule exercise at least three times a week. Choose activities you enjoy, such as walking, swimming, or dancing.

- Hobbies: Engage in activities you enjoy to reduce stress and improve your mood.

- Example: Make time for reading, painting, listening to music, or spending time in nature.

- Limiting Triggers: Identify and minimize exposure to things that trigger your trauma.

- Example: If news of violence triggers you, limit your time watching the news or reading related articles.

 

4. Building Trust Gradually 

- Starting Small: Start with small acts of trust and gradually increase them as you feel more comfortable.

- Example: Ask your partner to accompany you to a small social event or share a small secret with them.

- Being Patient: Trust takes time to build, especially after trauma. Don't rush the process.

- Example: Remember that every relationship has its own pace. Don't compare your relationship to other people's relationships.

- Celebrating Small Victories: Acknowledge and appreciate every step forward in building trust.

- Example: Say to yourself, "I feel more comfortable sharing my feelings with [partner's name]. This is progress!"

 

5. Seeking Professional Support 

- Therapy: A therapist specializing in trauma can provide tools and strategies to manage your emotions and build healthy relationships.

- Types of Therapy: Some effective types of therapy for trauma include cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), eye movement desensitization and reprocessing (EMDR) therapy, and sensorimotor therapy.

- Support Groups: Connecting with others who have similar experiences can provide validation and support.

- Resources: Look for support groups online or in your community. Many organizations provide free or low-cost support groups.

- Medication: In some cases, medication may be helpful in managing symptoms of anxiety or depression. Talk to your doctor about medication options that are right for you.

 

6. Challenging Negative Thoughts 

- Identifying Negative Patterns: Recognize common negative thought patterns associated with your trauma.

- Example: "I'm not good enough," or "I'm going to get hurt again."

- Challenging These Thoughts: Question the validity of negative thoughts. Are they based on facts or assumptions?

- Example: Ask yourself, "Is there any evidence to support this thought? Is there another way to look at this situation?"

- Replacing with Positive Affirmations: Counteract negative thoughts with positive and realistic statements about yourself and your relationship.

- Example: Instead of thinking, "I'll never be able to trust anyone," try thinking, "I'm learning how to trust others, and I deserve a healthy relationship."

 

7. Practicing Forgiveness 

- Forgiving Yourself: Release any guilt or self-blame associated with your trauma.

- Example: Remember that you did the best you could with what you knew at the time.

- Forgiving Others: If possible, consider forgiving those who caused you"

Hopefully this article can give you an insight to improve your relationship in the future 

The Requirements of a Soul Mission

  Hi, today I want to share an interesting topic, namely "The Requirements of a Soul Mission", the reason I chose this topic is because many people are not educated to detect their soul mission from childhood, To do something great requires firm thinking before making a decision, we have to start selecting some information about what we like, then we have to know how to accept risks before we enter the uncomfortable zone,

The concept of "soul mission" (or life purpose) is a spiritual and philosophical term that refers to your deepest purpose or reason for being on this earth, beyond your job or social status.

Detecting and understanding your soul mission requires deep self-reflection and awareness.

1. How to Detect Your Soul Mission (The Calling)

Your soul mission isn't always a "spectacular job," but more often an energy, quality, or contribution you want to consistently embody. You can detect it in several ways:

A. Observing Your Deepest Calling

Notice Where You Feel Flow: Identify what activities—whether work, hobbies, or interactions—make you lose track of time, and after engaging in them, you feel fulfilled, energized, and aligned. That's your soul's energy path.

Identify Your "Core Gifts": What are you naturally good at without much effort, and what benefits others? Your soul's mission often relates to how you use your innate gifts (such as listening, teaching, creating systems, or creating beauty).

Look at What Makes You Angry/Concerned: Strong anger or concern about a problem (e.g, injustice, lack of beauty, or lack of knowledge) often indicates that your soul's mission is to be part of the solution to that problem.

Reflect on the Past: Review difficult moments or major challenges in your life. What lessons did you learn, and how can you now use those lessons to help others in a similar position? (Example: "I went through a difficult time, and now my mission is to heal or guide others through similar experiences.")

B. Creating a Quiet Space

Practice Stillness: Your soul's mission is often referred to as the "whisper of the soul." You won't hear it amidst the hustle and bustle. Take time for meditation, reflective journaling, or being in nature to quiet the ego mind and allow intuition to emerge.

 Future Self Visualization: Imagine yourself in 5 or 10 years, living your best, most fulfilled life. Ask that "future self," "What are you really doing? What are you spreading?"

2. Knowing What Your Soul Mission Requires

Your soul mission requires personal growth and often requires you to overcome your limitations and raise your vibration.

Authenticity: A soul mission requires you to shed social masks and the rigid standards of the world. You must be your true self—including accepting your weaknesses and uniqueness—because your mission can only be realized by the real "you." 

Vulnerability: You must be brave enough to take the risk of showing up fully and not be afraid of judgment when doing what you believe in. A soul mission is not about perfection, but about the sincerity of contribution. 

Take the First Step: A soul mission is a journey, not a single destination. It requires you to focus on the journey and dare to take the first step, even when you have not seen the whole path. Each aligned small step will reveal the next. 

Service: A soul mission is transcendent, meaning it is always connected to others. Ask yourself, "How can I serve/benefit today?" The act of serving, however simple, automatically aligns you with a higher purpose."

Here is the additional information: A true soul mission is not about labels (professions), but about being a channel of positive energy that flows through your actions and presence.

How to Find Your Soul's Mission:

- Introspection: Take time to reflect and ask yourself these important questions:

- What am I truly passionate about?

- What makes me feel alive and passionate?

- What values are most important to me?

- What problems do I want to solve in the world?

- What are my natural talents and abilities saying when I focus into specific information?

- Exploration: Try new things and step outside your comfort zone. Take a course, join a community, volunteer, or travel. New experiences can unlock hidden insights and interests.

- Pay Attention to Signs: Pay attention to things that catch your attention, opportunities that arise, and people who inspire you. These could be clues from the universe leading you to your soul's mission.

- Listen to Your Intuition: Trust your feelings and instincts. Intuition is your inner compass that guides you on the right path.

- Don't Be Afraid to Fail: The process of discovering your soul's mission can be long and winding. Don't give up if you encounter difficulties or failures. Every experience is a valuable lesson that brings you closer to your goal.

How to Align Yourself with Your Soul's Mission:

- Live in Alignment with Your Values: Ensure your actions and decisions align with your values. This will give you a sense of integrity and fulfillment.

- Use Your Talents to Serve Others: Your soul's mission often involves using your talents and abilities to help others or make a difference in the world.

- Take Risks: Living your soul's mission often requires the courage to step out of your comfort zone and take risks. Don't let fear stop you from pursuing your dreams.

- Be Patient and Trust: The process of aligning with your soul's mission takes time and patience. Trust that you are on the right path and that the universe will support you.

- Seek Support: Join a community or group that shares similar interests. Sharing experiences and learning from others can provide support and motivation.

Conclusion:

- Aligning with your soul's mission is a uniquely personal journey. There are no right or wrong answers. The most important thing is to listen to your heart, follow your intuition, and dare to live a meaningful and fulfilling life.

- By discovering and living your soul's mission, you will not only reach your full potential, but also make a positive contribution to the world and leave a lasting legacy.

How to Build Healthy Boundaries with Over-Controlling Parents

  Hi, today I want to share an interesting topic, namely "How to Build Healthy Boundaries with Over-Controlling Parents", The reason I chose this topic is because many children are victims of parents who prioritize ego over awareness,

Building healthy boundaries with over-controlling parents is a complex process that requires patience, effective communication, and a deep understanding of your family dynamics. The goal is not to sever the relationship, but rather to create a space where you can function as an adult individual while still respecting your parents.

 

Here is a comprehensive guide to achieving this:

 

1. Understanding the Root of Over-Controlling Parental Behavior

 

✅Before setting boundaries, it's important to try to understand why your parents act the way they do. This is not to justify their behavior, but to help you approach the situation with empathy and better strategies.

 

- Concerns and Affection: Often, controlling behavior stems from deep love and concern for your well-being. They may be afraid you will make mistakes, get hurt, or not succeed.

- Parents' Past Experiences: Parents may have had traumatic or difficult life experiences that make them want to protect you from similar suffering. They may also have been controlled by their own parents.

- Cultural and Social Norms: In many cultures, including in Indonesia, parents have a very central role in their children's lives, even after they are adults. There is a social expectation that children should be obedient and respect their parents' decisions.

- Personal Insecurities: Some parents may have insecurities or dissatisfaction in their own lives, and try to control their children's lives as a way to gain a sense of control or achievement.

 

2. Developing Clear and Assertive Communication

 

✅Communication is key. The way you convey your wishes greatly influences how your parents will respond.

 

- Use "I-Statements": Focus on your own feelings and experiences rather than blaming. This reduces defensiveness.

- Example: Instead of "Mom always controls my life!", say "I find it difficult to feel independent when my important decisions are always questioned."

- Choose the Right Time and Place: Avoid discussing sensitive topics when you or your parents are tired, stressed, or in a crowded place. Choose a quiet, private moment when both of you are in a good mood.

- Explain the Impact, Not the Intent: Focus on how their behavior affects you, not on your assumptions about their intentions.

- Example: "I feel overwhelmed and anxious when I have to report every detail of my activities."

- Listen Actively: Give your parents a chance to speak and listen to their concerns. This shows that you also value their feelings, which can pave the way for mutual understanding.

 

3. Setting Specific and Measurable Boundaries

 

✅Boundaries should be concrete and clear, not abstract.

 

- Identify Key Areas: Determine which areas of your life are most affected by your parents' controlling behavior (e.g., career choices, romantic relationships, finances, lifestyle, personal decisions).

- Define Boundaries Clearly: State exactly what is allowed and not allowed.

- Example:

- Relationships: "I will tell you about my boyfriend, but the decision to marry or not is entirely my right."

- Finances: "I appreciate your offer of financial assistance, but I will manage my own finances and will only ask for help if I really need it."

- Privacy: "I will not discuss personal details of my love life or work in public or with other relatives."

- Visits: "I'm happy for you to visit, but please call or let me know first before coming, so I can prepare."

- Communicate the Consequences (If Necessary): Calmly explain what the consequences will be if boundaries are violated, for example, "If you keep calling me repeatedly while I'm working, I may have to turn off my phone during work hours."

 

4. Consistency and Reinforcement of Boundaries

 

✅Setting boundaries is only the first step; maintaining them is the hardest part.

 

- Stand Firm on Your Decisions: Don't waver when your parents try to push or test the boundaries you have set. This is part of the process.

- Repeat Calmly: If a boundary is violated, repeat your boundary calmly and firmly. "As I said before, I'm not comfortable discussing this topic."

- Avoid Endless Arguments: If the conversation becomes a vicious cycle or an unproductive argument, you have the right to end the conversation politely. "I think we can continue this discussion later when we are both calmer."

 

5. Focus on Yourself and Emotional Well-being

 

✅You cannot control others, but you can control your own reactions and actions.

 

- Develop Internal Boundaries: Learn not to let your parents' comments or actions affect your self-esteem or decisions. Validate your own feelings.

- Prioritize Your Well-being: Protect your mental and emotional health. If a situation is too overwhelming, you have the right to distance yourself or limit interaction temporarily.

- Build a Support Network: Surround yourself with friends, partners, or other family members who support your independence and can provide a healthy perspective.

 

6. Seeking External Support

 

✅Don't hesitate to seek help if you feel overwhelmed.

 

- Counseling or Therapy: A therapist can provide effective strategies, help you process emotions, and practice assertive communication.

- Support Groups: Talking to others who have similar experiences can provide a sense of validation and new ideas.

 

7. Maintain Respect (But Don't Sacrifice Yourself)

 

✅It is important to distinguish between respecting parents as individuals and accepting their controlling behavior.

 

- Show Appreciation: Thank them for the positive things they do and the good intentions they may have. This can soften their hearts.

- Respect Differences of Opinion: You don't have to agree with them, but you can respect their right to have their own views, as long as they also respect your rights.

 

8. Prepare for Various Reactions

 

✅Your parents may not immediately accept your new boundaries.

 

- Anger or Disappointment: They may feel rejected or unappreciated.

- Guilt or Manipulation: They may try to make you feel guilty or use manipulative tactics to regain control.

- Sadness: They may feel sad because the relationship is changing.

 

✅Stay calm and firm. Remember that their reactions are about them, not about you. 

✅Building boundaries is a journey, not a single destination. With patience, consistency, and respectful communication, you can create a more balanced and healthy relationship with your parents, allowing you to grow as an individual while maintaining valuable family bonds.

Why do we often fall in love with the same type of person? (A psychological explanation)

   Hi, today I want to share an interesting topic, namely "Why do we often fall in love with the same type of person? (A psychological explanation)",  The main reason I choose this topic is because many people experience heartbreaking events when facing a relationship, If we look at it from a psychological point of view, people who experience heartbreaking love experiences because they do not raise their standards of thinking, in the end they meet the same type or standard of people as before,  The phenomenon of falling in love with the same type of person over and over again has several strong psychological explanations, rooted in childhood experiences and unresolved emotional needs.

1. Love Schemas

This concept was developed by psychologist John Money and later popularized by therapist John Gottman.

* Schema Formation: From childhood, we unconsciously form a "map" or cognitive schema in our brains of what love and relationships should look like. This schema is formed based on our early relationships, particularly with primary caregivers (parents or guardians).

* Schema Content: Love schemas encompass what we consider familiar, sexually attractive, emotionally safe, and how conflict should be handled. Personality types, appearances, or even interaction patterns we experienced as children become embedded in these schemas.

* Familiarity Seeking: As adults, our brains automatically seek out partners who reflect the components of these schemas, even if those components are unhealthy. Familiarity is often equated with security, so we are attracted to familiar types, even when they are painful.

 2. Corrective Needs from Childhood Relationships

According to psychodynamic theory, we often choose partners who we subconsciously believe can help us resolve conflicts or unmet needs during childhood (re-enactment).

* Healing Old Wounds: If you had parents who tended to be cold or unemotional, you may be attracted to partners who are also difficult to approach. Subconsciously, you feel the need to "fix" or win their attention.

* Confirmation of Self-Identity: If your childhood was spent catering to the needs of others, you may be consistently attracted to dependent or self-oriented partners. This reinforces your old role as "savior" or "giver," which feels natural to you.

3. Attachment Theory

Our attachment patterns developed in childhood greatly influence how we interact in adult relationships. There are three main patterns:

* Secure: People who are comfortable with both intimacy and independence.

* Anxious/Ambivalent: People who crave intimacy but often worry about abandonment.  tend to be attracted to avoidant partners.

* Avoidant: People who value independence and are uncomfortable with excessive emotional intimacy tend to be attracted to anxious partners.

This pattern often creates a repetitive attachment dance: people with an anxious attachment style will consistently choose avoidant partners, and vice versa. This combination feels "right" because it reflects a familiar dynamic, even though it often ends in heartbreak.

4. Mere Exposure and Availability Effect

Cognitively, the more we are exposed to a certain type of person, the more likely we are to feel attracted to them (Mere Exposure Effect).

* If your social, work, or hobby environment consistently exposes you to a certain personality type (for example, an ambitious person or a sensitive artist), that type will become more familiar and accessible, increasing your likelihood of falling in love with them.

Besides deep psychological factors like love schemas and attachment patterns, there are several additional factors that often cause someone to repeatedly fall in love with the same type of person.

Social Environmental Factors (Availability)

The environment in which we move significantly limits our partner choices and increases our exposure to certain types.

* Homogeneous Social Circles: If you frequently hang out with groups of people who share similar socioeconomic status, education, or hobbies (for example, only hanging out with intellectual academics or only with highly ambitious entrepreneurs), you will naturally encounter and fall in love with people from that circle more often. Your environment creates a bias in partner availability.

* Mere-Exposure Effect: This psychological principle states that the more we are exposed to a stimulus (in this case, a certain personality type), the more likely we are to like or feel comfortable with it. If a "cool" or "ambitious" type is the norm in your environment, you are more likely to find that type normal and attractive.

* Biological and Chemical Factors

Physical and chemical attraction are often tied to certain repetitive characteristics.

 * Smell and Pheromones: Some research suggests that attraction, the first step toward love, can be influenced by chemical cues such as pheromones. Individuals may be biologically attracted to partners who are genetically different enough (for healthy genetic diversity) but are drawn to a particular physical or personality type associated with those chemical cues.

* Reward Response: Relationships with certain types may result in an intense release of feel-good hormones (such as dopamine and oxytocin), especially during the courtship phase. If a 'dramatic' or 'challenging' partner type triggers a stronger dopamine rush due to its unpredictability, the brain may learn to seek the same reward from similar partners in the future, creating an addictive cycle.

Self-Identity and Values

Your choice of partner can serve as validation of your self-image or values.

* Self-Validation Through Partners: A person may repeatedly choose a particular partner type because that type reinforces their self-image. For example:

* If you have a savior complex, you will continually seek out partners who are in trouble or need help (needy type).

 * If you place a high value on social status, you will continue to be attracted to powerful or successful people (high-status types).

* Your partner serves as an "accessory" that confirms your identity in the eyes of the world.

* Unchanging Core Values: Even if you want to change your partner type, if the core values you seek in a relationship (e.g., adventure, financial stability, or intellectuality) remain the same, then you will automatically limit yourself to the type of person who consistently embodies those values.

Cognitive Psychology Strategies to Reduce Excessive Anxiety

.   Hi, today I want to share an interesting topic, namely "Cognitive Psychology Strategies to Reduce Excessive Anxiety", The reason I chose this topic is because not many people are able to reduce their anxiety when the situation is upsetting their mood, there are some people who actually do things that damage their bodies, such as getting drunk, taking anti-depressants, However, such methods are dangerous and rejected by the human body. To reduce excessive anxiety, cognitive behavioral strategies can be employed to help manage and alleviate symptoms. These strategies involve understanding anxiety, identifying triggers, challenging negative thoughts, and practicing relaxation techniques.

 

Understanding Anxiety and CBT

Anxiety is a natural response to stress but becomes a concern when excessive and interferes with daily life. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) is a type of psychotherapy that addresses the relationships between thoughts, feelings, and behaviors to manage anxiety by changing negative thought patterns. CBT is effective because it is structured, goal-oriented, and provides practical skills for daily life.

 

Identifying Anxiety Triggers

Recognizing anxiety triggers is essential for developing coping strategies. Common triggers include internal factors like medical conditions, external factors like stressful life events, social and interpersonal issues, lifestyle choices such as caffeine consumption, and environmental factors like a cluttered home. Keeping a journal to track feelings, identify stressors, and reflect on past experiences can help uncover personal triggers.

 

Challenging Negative Thought Patterns

Anxiety is often fueled by negative thoughts that can spiral out of control. Techniques to reframe these thoughts include cognitive restructuring, which involves replacing unhelpful thoughts with more helpful ones. Thought records can also separate emotional responses from facts and challenge negative thoughts by gathering evidence for and against them.

 

Practicing Relaxation Techniques 

Mindful breathing techniques can help manage anxiety by influencing emotional and mental states. Controlled breathing, with a focus on elongated exhalation, and box breathing can reduce physiological symptoms of anxiety. Mindfulness, which involves being present and aware without judgment, can reduce rumination and enhance self-awareness.

 

Additional Strategies

Additional strategies to alleviate anxiety include gradual exposure to feared situations, setting realistic goals, challenging avoidance behaviors, and developing a balanced lifestyle with regular exercise, a healthy diet, and sufficient sleep. Seeking support from friends, family, or professionals can provide emotional support and different perspectives.

There are several methods to reduce exposure to worry, including:

 

'Peace of Mind' Method 

The "Peace of Mind" method is an approach used to cope with worries about uncertain situations, introduced by Tracy Kennedy, a personality development expert. This method consists of several steps:

 

1. Perspective: Realize that things are not always as bad as they seem. Take a step back to gain another perspective and consider the advice you would give to someone else in the same situation.

2. Excavate: Dig deeper to find out what you are really worried about. Identify the reasons behind your doubts and fears by continuously asking yourself until you find the real answer.

3. Accept: Accept uncertainty as part of life. Instead of constantly worrying about uncertain things, focus on moving on with your life and adapting to changes.

4. Catastrophize: Prepare for the worst-case scenario along with solutions. Evaluate the likelihood of the scenario occurring and bring yourself back to logical thinking.

5. Examine your level of control: Focus on the things you can control, such as your strengths, advantages, and experiences. Avoid focusing on external factors that you cannot control.

6. Friend: Open up to others about your fears and worries. Sharing problems can help reduce the burden and provide other perspectives and solutions.

7. Focus on the present: Focus on the life you are living now by utilizing lessons from the past to prepare for a better life in the future.

8. Meditate: Meditation can help calm the mind and reduce stress. Practice meditation regularly to increase peace of mind.

 

CBT treatment for anxiety may include discussing your feelings, finding out what triggers the anxiety, and discussing ways to change your thinking about triggering stimuli. Your therapist may also help you learn new ways to relax your mind and body, especially when facing anxiety. Some CBT providers will offer exposure therapy where you learn to manage anxiety through role-playing or controlled exposure to triggering stimuli.

 

Reduce Negativity Intake 

Reduce your intake of negativity, such as input from negative people, disturbing news online, or negativity on social media. Seeking out drama will only feed your fears instead of helping you conquer them.

 

Focus on the Present 

Focus your mind on the present moment, and take specific action on something you can control. For example, go for a walk or get a hug from someone you love. If you can do something about the situation that is causing you to worry, do it.

 

Vocalize Your Worries 

Vocalize your worries with someone else you trust. Sometimes, just hearing someone you trust dismiss your worries can be very helpful. 

By implementing these methods, you can reduce your exposure to worry and improve your quality of life.

Overcoming the Fear of Failure (Atychiphobia) in the Process of Learning New Skills

   Hi, today I want to share an interesting topic, namely "Overcoming the Fear of Failure (Atychiphobia) in the Process of Learning New Skills", The main reason why I chose this topic is because many people fail to understand the meaning of failure, Many people are hostile to failure, even though failure is what forms a new identity and opens up better opportunities than before, Many people want success in learning new knowledge in a short time, strangely they do not want to pay the price of their efforts with discomfort and failure, Atychiphobia, or the fear of failure, can significantly hinder the process of learning new skills. It is an irrational and recurring fear that can be associated with anxiety or depression. Overcoming this fear involves changing your mindset, understanding the origins of your fear, and adopting strategies to manage anxiety and build self-confidence.

Understanding the Roots of Fear

- Origins: Atychiphobia often stems from childhood experiences, such as critical parenting or a traumatic event where failure led to negative consequences. These experiences can create the belief that mistakes are too risky.

- Perfectionism: The need to be perfect can also contribute to a fear of failure. Setting unrealistic standards and fearing anything less than perfection can lead to anxiety and avoidance.

Strategies to Overcome Fear and Embrace Learning

- Adopt a Growth Mindset: Understand that failure is a natural part of learning. View challenges as opportunities to grow and expand your abilities.

 - Redefine Failure: Recognize that mistakes are learning experiences that help you adapt and improve. Success and failure aren't black and white, and partial success is still progress.

- Set Realistic Expectations: Set milestones that align with your values ​​and priorities. Break down challenging tasks into smaller, more manageable chunks to feel more in control.

- Challenge Negative Thoughts: Replace negative thoughts with positive ones. Visualize success and focus on what you can control, like preparation and effort.

- Take Calculated Risks: Weigh your options, identify the pros and cons, commit to a strategy, and take action. Moving outside your comfort zone helps reduce anxiety and build confidence.

- Get Support: Surround yourself with people who support and encourage your goals. Talking with friends, family, or a therapist can provide valuable support and coping strategies.

 - Positive Imagery Practice: Visualize yourself succeeding. The more you practice, the more it can help change negative attitudes.

 

- Exposure Therapy: Gradually expose yourself to situations you fear in a safe, controlled environment. This can help you become more comfortable with the possibility of failure and reduce anxiety.

- Professional Help: Consider seeking help from a therapist or psychologist. Therapies such as cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) or hypnotherapy can help you identify and change negative thought patterns and address the underlying issues contributing to your fear.

By understanding the origins of your fear of failure and implementing these strategies, you can create a more positive and effective learning environment.

The signs that your partner may be suffering from clinical depression after having their first child

   Hi, today I want to share an interesting topic, namely "The signs that your partner may be suffering from clinical depression after having their first child", The reason I chose this topic is because many women experience trauma when they have their first child, Women experience emotional turmoil include extreme mood swings, loss of interest in activities they used to enjoy, changes in appetite, and difficulty sleeping after they have first child (baby). It is important to recognize these symptoms, Here are more detailed signs to watch out for:

 

1. Significant Mood Changes: Extreme and prolonged mood swings are a key indicator of postpartum depression. This can include feelings of deep sadness, irritability, or feeling empty. These changes are different from temporary sadness or feelings of overwhelm commonly experienced by new mothers.

2. Loss of Interest in Enjoyed Activities: Your partner may lose interest or pleasure in activities they previously enjoyed, including sex, hobbies, or sports. This can include withdrawing from social interactions and a lack of motivation to do things that usually bring joy.

3. Changes in Appetite: Significant changes in appetite, whether a decrease or increase, can be a sign of depression. Some people may eat more in response to their emotions, while others may lose their appetite altogether.

4. Sleep Disturbances: Insomnia (difficulty sleeping) or sleeping too much are also common symptoms of depression. Lack of sleep can worsen depressive symptoms and create a vicious cycle that is difficult to break.

5. Extreme Fatigue: Feeling extremely tired and lacking energy, even for small tasks. This fatigue is different from the normal tiredness experienced by new mothers due to lack of sleep; it is a persistent and debilitating feeling.

6. Difficulty Concentrating: Difficulty concentrating, making decisions, or remembering things. This can affect their ability to perform daily tasks and care for the baby.

7. Feelings of Worthlessness or Guilt: Feeling worthless, guilty, or constantly blaming themselves for past failures. These feelings can be very damaging to self-esteem and worsen depression.

8. Withdrawal from Family and Friends: Distancing themselves from family and friends, and losing interest in interacting with others. Social isolation can worsen feelings of depression and loneliness.

9. Thoughts of Death or Suicide: Having frequent or recurring thoughts of death, suicide, or suicidal attempts. This is a very serious sign and requires immediate medical attention.

10. Difficulty Caring for the Baby: Feeling difficulty or reluctance to care for and interact with the baby. This can include a lack of interest in feeding, changing diapers, or spending time with the baby.

11. Changes in Behavior: Changes in behavior such as drinking alcohol or using drugs more often, working longer hours than usual, or becoming more irritable and aggressive. These behaviors can be a way to cope with feelings of depression.

12. Feeling Guilty: Often feeling guilty for not doing a good job or feeling pressured to be perfect as a mother. These feelings of guilt can worsen depression and make it difficult to enjoy the role of being a mother.

 

If you notice these signs in your partner, it is very important to provide emotional support and encourage them to seek professional help from a doctor or psychologist. Postpartum depression is a treatable condition, and early intervention can make a big difference in recovery.

First aid for dealing with a woman experiencing clinical depression after giving birth to her first child involves providing emotional support, assisting with practical tasks. Here are the steps that can be taken:

 

1. Listen to and Validate Her Feelings:

- Take the time to listen to her feelings without judgment. Let her know that you understand how difficult what she is going through is.

- Validate her feelings by saying that what she is feeling is normal and that many new mothers experience similar things.

2. Provide Practical Support:

- Help with household chores and baby care. Offer to feed the baby, change diapers, or put the baby to sleep so she can rest.

- Make sure she has time to rest and get enough sleep. Lack of sleep can worsen depression.

3. Encourage Her to Seek Professional Help:

- Suggest she talk to a doctor or mental health professional. Postpartum depression is a treatable condition, and professional help is essential.

- Offer to accompany her to appointments or help find available resources.

4. Take Care of Her Physical and Mental Health:

- Make sure she eats nutritious foods and avoids processed foods.

- Invite her to do light exercise, such as taking a leisurely walk around the house. Exercise can help improve mood.

5. Avoid Blaming or Judging:

- Avoid saying things that blame or belittle her feelings. Remember that postpartum depression is a medical condition, not a personal weakness.

- Focus on providing support and understanding.

6. Encourage Socialization:

- Encourage her to stay connected with friends and family. Social isolation can worsen depression.

- If possible, help her arrange time to meet with friends or join a new mothers' support group.

7. Watch for Warning Signs:

- Watch for signs of thoughts of harming herself or the baby. If there are such signs, seek emergency medical help immediately.

- Never ignore or underestimate thoughts or feelings of suicide.

 

By providing the right support and encouraging professional help, you can help a woman experiencing clinical depression after giving birth to recover and enjoy her new role as a mother.

Five effective communication strategies for newly married intercultural couples

 

  Hi, today I want to share an interesting topic, namely "Five effective communication strategies for newly married intercultural couples", The reason I chose this topic is because many things happen in a marriage, The main reason why many couples are unhappy is because they are stuck in a culture that does not unite one another,  ultimately impacting the decline in the quality of communication, let me share to you about five effective communication strategies for newly married intercultural couples, with a more in-depth and comprehensive explanation:

 

1. Understanding and Deeply Appreciating Cultural Differences

- Definition: More than just knowing, this is about internalizing the values, traditions, norms, and even assumptions that underlie your partner's behavior. It involves active empathy and a sincere desire to see the world from their perspective.

- How to Do It:

- In-Depth Research: Don't just read about your partner's culture. Delve into their history, art, music, and literature. Watch films and documentaries that provide insight into their lives.

- Open and Continuous Discussion: Communication isn't just a one-time thing. Make discussions about culture a routine part of your conversations. Ask about your partner's experiences, how they were raised, and what is important to them.

- Direct Experience: If possible, visit your partner's country or region of origin. Experience the culture for yourself, meet their family and friends, and participate in their traditions.

- Self-Reflection: Consider how your own culture influences the way you think, feel, and act. Identify any biases or assumptions you may have and be prepared to challenge them.

Example:

- Suppose you come from a very individualistic culture, while your partner comes from a more collectivist one. You may tend to make decisions on your own, while your partner may prefer to consult with family or friends first. Understanding this difference can help you avoid misunderstandings and conflicts.

- In Indonesia, especially in West Java, the norms of politeness and respect for elders are highly valued. If you don't come from this culture, learning how to speak and behave in accordance with these norms will greatly help in building a good relationship with your partner's family.

2. Developing Open, Honest, and Empathetic Communication

- Definition: It's not just about saying what you think, but saying it in a loving and understanding way. It involves active listening (really hearing what your partner is saying, not just waiting for your turn to speak), emotional validation (acknowledging and respecting your partner's feelings, even if you disagree with them), and honest and vulnerable self-expression (daring to show your true self, including your fears and doubts).

- How to Do It:

- Create a Safe Space: Make sure that you and your partner feel safe to share feelings without fear of being judged, criticized, or ignored. Avoid blaming, belittling, or attacking.

- Use "I" Language: Focus on how you feel and what you need, rather than blaming your partner. For example, instead of saying "You're always late," say "I feel worried when you're late because I'm afraid something happened."

- Ask Open-Ended Questions: Instead of making assumptions, ask your partner about their thoughts, feelings, and experiences. For example, instead of saying "You must be angry," ask "How do you feel about that?"

- Practice Empathy: Try to see the situation from your partner's point of view. Imagine what it's like to be them and feel what they feel.

- Give Constructive Feedback: If you have criticism, deliver it in a gentle and supportive way. Focus on specific behavior, not on personal character.

Example:

- Suppose your partner feels homesick and sad because they are far from their family. Instead of ignoring their feelings or trying to tell them to "move on," listen attentively, validate their feelings, and offer support. You could say, "I know this is hard for you, honey. I understand how much you miss your family. I'm here for you."

3. Navigating Language Differences with Patience and Creativity

- Definition: Language is not just a tool for communication, but also a window into culture. Language differences can lead to misunderstandings, frustration, and even conflict. Navigating these differences requires patience, understanding, and creativity.

- How to Do It:

- Choose a Fair Primary Language: Agree on the language that will be used as the primary language in your relationship. Consider each other's language skills, as well as practical factors such as the language spoken where you live.

- Learn Your Partner's Language: Even if you don't become fluent, your efforts to learn your partner's language will be greatly appreciated. It shows that you care and are interested in their culture.

- Use Aids: Utilize dictionaries, translation apps, and other online resources to help you communicate.

- Be Patient and Understanding: Remember that learning a language takes time and effort. Be patient with yourself and with your partner. Don't be afraid to make mistakes, and learn from them.

- Use Body Language: Nonverbal communication can help bridge language gaps. Use facial expressions, tone of voice, and body language to convey your message.

Example:

- Suppose you are not fluent in Indonesian, but your partner is not fluent in English. You could use a combination of English and Indonesian when communicating. You could also use pictures or diagrams to help explain your ideas.

4. Adapting and Compromising: Creating a Unique Relationship Culture

- Definition: Intercultural marriage is not about adopting your partner's culture completely, or forcing them to adopt yours. It's about creating a unique relationship culture that reflects the values and traditions of both sides. This requires flexibility, compromise, and a willingness to learn and grow together.

- How to Do It:

- Identify Core Values: Discuss what values are most important to you and your partner. Look for similarities and differences.

- Negotiate and Compromise: Be prepared to compromise on things that are less important, but stand firm on your core values.

- Create New Traditions: Combine traditions from both of your cultures to create new traditions that are unique to your relationship.

- Be Open to Change: Remember that your relationship culture will continue to evolve over time. Be open to change and willing to adapt.

Example:

- Suppose you are used to celebrating Christmas in a certain way, while your partner celebrates Idul Fitri in a different way. You could celebrate both holidays together, by combining traditions from both cultures. For example, you could decorate the Christmas tree with Islamic ornaments, or serve typical Idul Fitri dishes at Christmas dinner.

5. Building a Strong Support Network

- Definition: Marrying someone from a different culture can be a challenging experience. Having a strong support network can help you overcome these challenges and strengthen your relationship.

- How to Do It:

- Connect with Family and Friends: Talk to your family and friends about your experiences. Ask for their support and advice.

- Find Intercultural Communities: Join support groups or online communities for intercultural couples. Share your experiences with others who understand what you are going through.

- Seek Professional Help: If you are struggling, don't hesitate to seek help from a marriage counselor or therapist who is experienced in working with intercultural couples.

- Involve Your Partner's Family: Build a good relationship with your partner's family. This can help you understand their culture better and feel more connected.

Example:

- In Indonesia, family plays a very important role in a person's life. Strive to build a good relationship with your partner's family, especially their parents. This will greatly help in building a harmonious and happy relationship.

 

By implementing these strategies, you can build a strong, healthy, and happy intercultural marriage. Remember that the key is communication, understanding, and respect."

Forming a new identity is a holistic transformation process

   Hi, today I want to share an interesting topic, namely "Forming a new identity is a holistic transformation process", The reason I chose this topic is because many people are struggling to leave their old identities behind for a better survival, let's delve deeper into how to form a new identity with a more comprehensive approach:

 

Forming a new identity is a holistic transformation process that involves fundamental changes in how you see yourself, interact with the world, and live your life. It's not just about changing your appearance or habits, but it touches on the values, beliefs, goals, and narratives that form the core of your being. This process requires deep commitment, patience, and a willingness to step outside of your comfort zone.

 

Here are more detailed and in-depth steps to form a new identity:

 

1. Deep and Honest Self-Exploration:

- Life Audit: Conduct a thorough evaluation of various aspects of your life (career, relationships, health, finances, spirituality). Identify areas that are unsatisfactory or not aligned with your aspirations.

- Know Your True Self: Dig deeper to understand your core values, interests, talents, and passions. What is truly important to you? What makes you feel alive and excited? Don't let the expectations of others or social pressures influence this discovery.

- Analyze Strengths and Weaknesses: Identify strengths that you can leverage and weaknesses that you need to overcome. Be honest and objective in this assessment.

- Reflect on Past Experiences: Review important experiences in your life (successes, failures, traumas, lessons). How have these experiences shaped you into who you are today? What can you learn from the past to build a better future?

- Sparking Questions: Ask yourself deep questions, such as:

- What would I do if I wasn't afraid to fail?

- What would I do if I knew I would succeed?

- What would I do if money wasn't an issue?

- What legacy do I want to leave behind?

2. Formulating an Inspiring Vision of a New Identity:

- Create a Clear Picture: Visualize your new identity in detail. How do you dress, speak, act, and interact with others? What do you do every day? What do you achieve?

- Determine Core Values: Identify the values that will be your moral compass and guide to life. These values should be aligned with your true self and the vision of your new identity. Example values: honesty, courage, creativity, compassion, justice, wisdom.

- Set Meaningful Goals: Formulate goals that are specific, measurable, achievable, relevant, and time-bound (SMART). These goals should be challenging but realistic, and should contribute to the achievement of your new identity vision.

- Write a Personal Mission Statement: Create a brief statement that summarizes your life purpose and core values. This statement will be a constant reminder and source of motivation.

- Inspiration from Role Models: Look for people who inspire you and who have qualities or achievements that you admire. Learn their stories, emulate their behavior, and make them role models in your transformation journey.

3. Developing a Structured Action Plan:

- Identify Concrete Steps: Outline the specific steps you need to take to achieve your goals. Break down large goals into smaller, more manageable tasks.

- Create a Realistic Schedule: Allocate time each day or each week to work on these tasks. Schedule time to learn, practice, interact with supportive people, and take care of yourself.

- Prioritize Tasks: Identify the most important tasks and focus on completing them first. Use the Pareto principle (80/20 rule) to identify the tasks that will have the greatest impact.

- Anticipate Obstacles: Identify potential obstacles that may hinder your progress and create plans to overcome them.

- Prepare a Support System: Build a support network consisting of friends, family, mentors, or community groups that can provide emotional support, practical advice, and accountability.

4. Taking Consistent and Courageous Action:

- Start Small: Don't try to change everything at once. Start with small, easy-to-do changes and build momentum from there.

- Step Out of Your Comfort Zone: Challenge yourself to do things that scare you or make you uncomfortable. This is the best way to grow and develop.

- Dare to Take Risks: Don't be afraid to take calculated risks. Failure is part of the learning process and can provide valuable insights.

- Consistent and Disciplined: Take the necessary actions consistently, even when you don't feel motivated. Discipline is key to achieving long-term goals.

- Celebrate Small Wins: Acknowledge and celebrate every progress you make, no matter how small. This will help you stay motivated and focused on your goals.

5. Creating an Environment that Supports Growth:

- Change the Physical Environment: Create a physical environment that supports your new identity. Get rid of things that remind you of the past and add things that inspire you.

- Change the Social Environment: Spend time with people who are positive, supportive, and inspiring. Limit interactions with people who are negative, demeaning, or hindering your growth.

- Find a Like-Minded Community: Join groups or communities that share your interests, values, or goals. This will give you a sense of belonging and valuable support.

- Limit Exposure to Negative Media: Reduce the amount of time you spend watching stressful news or social media that compares you to others. Fill your mind with positive, inspiring, and educational content.

- Find a Mentor: Find someone who has achieved what you want to achieve and ask for their guidance. Mentors can provide valuable insights, practical advice, and emotional support.

6. Continuous Learning and Self-Development:

- Read Books and Articles: Deepen your knowledge on topics relevant to your new identity.

- Take Courses and Training: Improve your skills and learn new things that will help you achieve your goals.

- Attend Seminars and Conferences: Get inspiration from experts and network with people who share your interests.

- Think Critically: Question your assumptions and be open to new ideas.

- Daily Reflection: Take time each day to reflect on your experiences, evaluate your progress, and adjust your plan if necessary.

7. Flexibility and Adaptation:

- Accept Change: The world is constantly changing, and so should you. Be flexible and open to change.

- Learn from Mistakes: Don't be afraid to make mistakes. Mistakes are opportunities to learn and grow.

- Adjust Plans: If something doesn't work, don't hesitate to adjust your plan.

- Celebrate Progress: Acknowledge and celebrate every progress you make, no matter how small.

- Positive Contribution: Your new identity should not only benefit yourself, but also make a positive contribution to the surrounding community. Consider how you can use your skills and knowledge to help others or solve local problems.

- Maintain Balance: Find a balance between being modern and still maintaining your cultural identity. Don't forget your roots as you pursue your dreams.

 

Forming a new identity is a lifelong journey. There is no finish line. Enjoy the process, learn from your experiences, and continue to evolve into the best version of yourself."

Having a desire without being accompanied by appropriate knowledge is very dangerous

   Hi, today I want to share an interesting topic, namely "Having a desire without being accompanied by appropriate knowledge is very dangerous", the main reason I choose that topic is because many people are suffering when they are unable to fulfill those desires,  From the perspective of psychology, desire is like a compass that gives strong demands to the owner of the desire, , if the level of desire is higher than his natural ability, then someone will be increasingly tormented by that desire, If a person's ability is higher than the level of desire, then a person will get inner satisfaction, let's discuss in more depth the dangers of having desires that are not balanced by adequate knowledge.

 

Definition of Desire:

- Desire is a strong internal drive to achieve or possess something. Desires can be material (such as owning a luxury home, car, or the latest gadgets) or non-material (such as achieving career success, gaining recognition, or experiencing happiness). Desire is a natural part of human nature and is often the primary motivation behind our actions and decisions.

- However, it's important to understand that desire itself is neutral. Its impact, whether positive or negative, depends heavily on how we manage and direct it. Healthy desires can motivate us to work hard, learn, and grow. Conversely, uncontrolled or unrealistic desires can lead to frustration, disappointment, and even actions that harm oneself or others.

 

Definition of Knowledge:

- Knowledge is organized, systematic, and verified information. Knowledge is acquired through learning, research, observation, and experimentation. Knowledge is not just a collection of facts, but also an understanding of the fundamental principles that govern the universe and society.

- Knowledge plays a crucial role in helping us understand the world around us, make rational decisions, and solve complex problems. Knowledge also enables us to develop technology, improve the quality of life, and achieve social progress. In the context of desire, knowledge serves as a compass that guides us towards realistic and measurable goals.

 

Why Can Desire Without Knowledge Be Dangerous?

 

1. Irrational and Potentially Harmful Decisions:

- Without adequate knowledge, we tend to make decisions based on emotions, prejudices, or inaccurate information. For example, someone who wants to invest in the stock market without understanding the correct investment principles can easily get caught up in a Ponzi scheme or buy penny stocks whose value can plummet in a short time.

- In a business context, an entrepreneur who wants to open a restaurant without conducting careful market research or understanding operational management may experience huge losses and even go bankrupt.

2. Unrealistic Expectations and Disappointment:

- Desires that are not supported by knowledge often result in expectations that are far from reality. For example, someone who wants to become a professional athlete without training hard and understanding the correct techniques may feel frustrated and disappointed when they fail to achieve their goals.

- In personal life, someone who has excessively high expectations of a partner or relationship without understanding the dynamics of a healthy relationship may experience prolonged conflict and disappointment.

3. Vulnerability to Manipulation and Exploitation:

- People who have great desires but lack knowledge are easily exploited by irresponsible parties. For example, someone who desperately wants to get rich quickly may fall victim to fraudulent investment scams or other get-rich-quick schemes.

- In the political world, societies that are poorly educated and easily influenced by propaganda can be manipulated to support policies that harm their own interests.

4. Taking Unmeasured Risks:

- Without knowledge, we tend to take unmeasured risks that can potentially endanger ourselves or others. For example, someone who wants to climb a mountain without knowledge of navigation, proper equipment, or weather conditions can get lost, injured, or even die.

- In a financial context, someone who wants to take out a large loan without understanding interest rates, terms, and the ability to repay it can get caught up in debt that is difficult to overcome.

 

Religious Perspective (Islam) 

- In Islam, seeking knowledge is an obligation for every Muslim. The Qur'an and hadith emphasize the importance of knowledge as a foundation for doing good deeds and achieving happiness in this world and the hereafter. Desires must be in line with religious principles and supported by knowledge so as not to be misleading.

- For example, someone who wants to get a blessed sustenance must seek knowledge about how to do business in a halal way and avoid usury, fraud, and other haram practices.

 

Psychological Perspective

- Psychology also emphasizes the importance of balance between desire and ability. Realistic and measurable desires, supported by appropriate knowledge and skills, are more likely to be achieved and provide satisfaction.

- Albert Bandura's Self-Efficacy theory explains that a person's belief in their ability to achieve certain goals greatly influences their motivation, effort, and perseverance. Knowledge and experience are important factors in building self-efficacy.

 

Solutions: Developing Knowledge and Wisdom

 

1. Education and Continuous Learning:

- Attend formal education, training, seminars, or workshops to improve knowledge and skills in areas relevant to your desires.

- Take advantage of online learning resources such as online courses, video tutorials, articles, and e-books.

2. In-Depth Research and Analysis:

- Do careful research before making important decisions, especially those involving financial or personal risks.

- Use accurate data, statistics, and information to support your analysis.

3. Seeking Mentors and Consultants:

- Seek advice from experts or professionals in relevant fields.

- Find a mentor who can provide guidance, support, and constructive feedback.

4. Self-Evaluation and Reflection:

- Recognize your strengths and weaknesses.

- Identify areas where you need to improve your knowledge and skills.

- Reflect on your experiences and learn from your mistakes.

5. Critical and Skeptical Thinking:

- Don't easily believe the information you receive.

- Question your own assumptions and biases.

- Look for strong evidence and support before drawing conclusions.

 

Conclusion 

Desire is an extraordinary driving force, but without knowledge and wisdom, it can be a source of problems and suffering. Knowledge gives us the ability to understand the world, make rational decisions, and achieve our goals in an effective and responsible manner. Therefore, it is important for us to continue learning, developing ourselves, and seeking knowledge throughout our lives. In this way, we can manage our desires wisely and achieve true happiness."

How to know if someone is good before marrying someone else

   Hi, today I want to share an interesting topic, namely "How to know if someone is good before marrying someone else", The main reason why I chose this topic is because many young couples rush into marriage without knowing the quality of their partner. To know someone's character before they are married, we need to take anticipatory action sich as, we see how a person treats money, whether he is reckless in using money or very careful,  how he treated his biological parents, and how a person speaks when he is angry,  Now,  let's delve deeper into how to know if someone is good before getting married, using a more comprehensive approach:

 

✏️Building a Solid Foundation Before Marriage: Delving Deeper into the Character of a Potential Partner

 

Marriage is a lifelong commitment, so choosing the right partner is a crucial decision. Knowing if someone is "good" before marriage requires in-depth observation, open communication, and careful evaluation. Here's a more detailed guide:

 

1. Observing Daily Behavior: The Microscope of True Character

- Interactions with Others:

- Treatment of the "weak": Observe how they interact with restaurant staff, janitors, or even animals. Do they show patience, respect, and empathy? People of good character treat all beings with dignity, regardless of social status.

- Response to mistakes: How do they react when others make mistakes? Are they quick to forgive or do they hold grudges? The ability to forgive is an important indicator of emotional maturity.

- Emotional Management:

- Reaction to stress: Observe how they handle pressure at work, family problems, or traffic jams. Do they remain calm and seek solutions, or do they explode and blame others? The ability to manage stress is key to a harmonious relationship.

- Response to disappointment: How do they react when their plans fail or their expectations are not met? Are they able to accept disappointment gracefully and learn from it, or do they lament their fate and blame circumstances?

- Habits and Routines:

- Time management: Are they punctual or often late? How do they manage their schedule? Good time management shows respect for other people's time.

- Cleanliness and tidiness: Do they maintain personal hygiene and keep their environment clean? Cleanliness and tidiness reflect discipline and attention to detail.

- Social media use: How do they use social media? Are they wise in sharing information and interacting with others online? Social media can be a window into their values and views.

2. Open and Honest Communication: A Bridge to Understanding

- Values and Principles of Life:

- In-depth discussion: Talk about the values that are most important to you, such as honesty, loyalty, family, religion, and justice. Do they have views that align with yours?

- Response to differences: If there are differences of opinion, how do they respond? Are they open to discussing and finding common ground, or do they insist on their own opinion?

- Hopes and Dreams:

- Vision of marriage and family: Discuss your expectations about marriage, the roles of husband and wife, the division of household chores, child education, and family financial management. Do they have the same vision as you?

- Life goals: Talk about your life goals, both personal and professional. Do they support your dreams?

- Past and Life Experiences:

- Previous relationships: Ask about previous romantic relationships, what they learned from them, and how they ended those relationships.

- Difficult experiences: Ask about difficult experiences they have had and how they overcame them. This can provide an overview of their mental and emotional resilience.

- Relationship with family: Ask about their relationship with their parents and siblings. How do they interact with them? Family relationships can provide clues about how they will treat you as a partner.

3. Interaction with the Social Environment: Observing in Context

- Friends and Family:

- Quality of relationships: Observe how they interact with their friends. Do they have loyal and supportive friends? The quality of friendships reflects their own quality.

- Family opinions: Listen to what their family says about them. Do they provide positive support or are they worried about something?

- How They Talk About Others:

- Gossip and criticism: Are they prone to gossip or criticize others behind their backs? A good person will avoid such behavior.

- Empathy and support: Do they show empathy towards others and are they willing to help those in need?

- Contribution in the Community:

- Social activities: Are they involved in social or volunteer activities? Involvement in the community shows concern for others.

- Environmental awareness: Do they care about the environment and strive to live sustainably?

4. Consistency Evaluation: Looking for Clear Patterns

- Words and Deeds:

- Promises kept: Do they always keep their promises? Consistency between words and deeds is a sign of integrity.

- Responsibility: Are they responsible for their actions? Do they admit their mistakes and try to fix them?

- Behavioral Changes:

- Authenticity: Are they always being themselves, or are they trying to be someone different to impress you? Authenticity is key to a lasting relationship.

- Emotional stability: Do they have extreme mood swings or unpredictable behavior? Emotional stability is important for creating a sense of security in a relationship.

5. Intuition and Personal Feelings: A Voice of the Heart That Should Not Be Ignored

- Comfort and Security:

- Feelings around them: Do you feel comfortable and safe when you are with them? Do you feel you can be yourself without fear of being judged?

- Trust: Do you feel you can trust them completely? Trust is the foundation of any healthy relationship.

- Positive Influence:

- Motivation: Do they motivate you to be a better person? Do they support your personal growth?

- Happiness: Do you feel happy and peaceful when you are with them?

 

In addition to the points above, there are several cultural values that are important to consider in the context of Indonesia.

 

- Adab and Manners: Pay attention to how they speak and behave towards older or respected people.

- Family Responsibility: Pay attention to how they fulfill their obligations to their family, especially their parents.

- Religion and Beliefs: Pay attention to how they practice their religion. Are they devout and obedient, or just formal?

- Parental Blessing: Getting parental blessing is very important in Indonesian culture.

 

✏️Important Warnings: 

- Don't ignore red flags. If something makes you uncomfortable or suspicious, don't hesitate to ask or find out more. Some red flags to watch out for include: physical or verbal violence, addiction, lies, infidelity, and excessive control.

- Don't be idealistic. No one is perfect. Accept your partner's shortcomings, but never tolerate harmful or disrespectful behavior.

- Trust yourself. You are the one who knows best for yourself. Don't let others pressure you into marrying someone you don't love or trust.

 

By making careful observations, communicating openly, and listening to your intuition, you can make a wiser decision about whether someone is "good" for you before getting married. Marriage is a long journey, so make sure you choose a partner who will be a true friend, lover, and partner in good times and bad."

How to let go of old bad identities

  Hi, today I want to share an interesting topic, namely "how to let go of old, bad identities", The main reason why I chose this topic is because many people are trapped in their old identities and they are entangled in an unfortunate fate,  According to the views of philosophers, leaving behind old identities is part of the universe's way of giving new identities to the people it wants. to shed your old identity and discover a new self, here are steps you can try, explained in more detail:

 

- Dare to Face Fears and Truths: Fear is often a major obstacle to self-development. Acknowledging shortcomings and mistakes is an important step in initiating change. Allow yourself to be open to the truth, even if it feels uncomfortable at first. God will help you see mistakes and failures as opportunities to grow and improve.

- Don't Dwell on Shortcomings: Avoid basing your identity on shortcomings or bad habits. Your true identity will not disappear just because you eliminate bad habits. Focus on the positive qualities and potential within you.

- Focus on the Identity of Human Being rather than Human Doing: Identity derived from positions, social status, or external achievements is not a true identity. True identity comes from your values, passions, and life goals. Recognize yourself as a human being with unlimited potential, not just as someone who does something.

- Discover Your True Self-Identity: Introspect to recognize your talents, strengths, and weaknesses. Find out what you truly enjoy and master. Use your strengths to make positive contributions to others, without being tied to specific positions or titles.

- Change Your Appearance and Personal Style: Overhauling your appearance, including clothing and hairstyle, can provide a significant change of pace. Rearranging your wardrobe and finding a new personal style can help you feel more confident and refreshed.

- Create a Nickname that Reflects Your Personality: Creating a unique and creative nickname can be a way to express yourself and create a new identity, especially in the online world. This nickname can reflect your personality, interests, or values that you adhere to.

 

By breaking away from an old identity that may no longer be relevant and focusing on self-development, you can discover a more authentic, meaningful self that aligns with your true potential. This process takes time and patience, but the results will be worth the effort you put in.

To leave behind a negative old identity and form a more positive self, a gradual and consistent process is needed. Here are several methods you can apply:

 

- 1. Identify and Acknowledge the Old Identity:

- Recognize Negative Aspects: Specifically write down what habits, mindsets, beliefs, or behaviors from the old identity you want to leave behind. Be honest with yourself about how these aspects negatively affect your life.

- Accept the Past: Acknowledge that the old identity is part of your journey. Don't judge yourself too harshly, but focus on the desire to change.

- 2. Define the Desired New Identity:

- Visualize Yourself: Clearly describe who you want to become. What values do you want to uphold? What behaviors do you want to exhibit? What goals do you want to achieve?

- Focus on Positive Qualities: Instead of just focusing on "not being X," focus on "being Y." For example, instead of "not lazy," be "productive and enthusiastic."

- 3. Change Habits and Mindsets:

- Start with Small Steps: Big changes start with small actions. Choose one or two negative habits you most want to change and start replacing them with new, positive habits.

- Challenge Negative Thoughts: Whenever negative or self-doubting thoughts arise, identify them and replace them with more constructive thoughts. Train your brain to see opportunities and solutions.

- Positive Affirmations: Regularly say positive statements about your new self. Examples: "I am a strong and capable person," or "I am taking control of my life."

- 4. Adjust Your Environment:

- Avoid Triggers: Identify people, places, or situations that trigger habits or mindsets from your old identity. Limit exposure to those triggers.

- Surround Yourself with Positive Support: Seek out friends, mentors, or communities that support your goals and new identity. These people will inspire and motivate you.

- Change Routines: Create daily routines that support your new identity. For example, if you want to be healthier, incorporate exercise and healthy eating into your routine.

- 5. Learn New Skills or Develop New Interests:

- Expand Your Horizons: Learning new things or developing hobbies can help shift your focus and build new self-confidence. It also gives you the opportunity to interact with new environments.

- 6. Practice Self-Compassion and Patience:

- Forgive Yourself: The process of change is not always smooth. There will be times when you revert to old habits. Forgive yourself, learn from your mistakes, and continue your journey.

- Be Patient: Forming a new identity takes time. Celebrate every small progress and don't be too hard on yourself if the results aren't instant.

- 7. Seek Professional Support (If Needed):

- Counseling or Therapy: If you find it difficult to leave old patterns behind on your own, consider seeking help from a psychologist or counselor. They can provide tailored strategies and emotional support.

 

By consistently applying these methods, you can gradually shed a negative old identity and build a stronger, more positive self that aligns with your aspirations.

Which is cooler, chasing pleasure or being chased by pleasure?

     Hi, today I want to share an interesting topic, namely "Which is cooler, chasing pleasure or being chased by pleasure?", The main reason why I chose this topic is because many people focus on wanting to achieve happiness but many of them apply it incorrectly. Why do I say that? Because many people cannot differentiate between non-urgent desires and needs that must be met, As humans who know the extent of their abilities, humans should prioritize what is important and what is most needed, If people only focus on getting results and cannot enjoy the process of the journey, then they will not get happiness because they cannot withstand in the middle process, Certainly, let's delve deeper into pleasure and how humans interact with it, from a broader and more profound perspective.

 

Pleasure: More Than Just a Fleeting Feeling

 

Pleasure is a highly subjective emotional experience, often associated with feelings of happiness, satisfaction, joy, and well-being. However, pleasure is not merely a fleeting feeling; it has complex psychological, social, and even philosophical dimensions. Pleasure can be triggered by various factors, ranging from simple things like enjoying a delicious meal to significant achievements like career success.

 

Two Main Paradigms in Achieving Pleasure:

 

1. Passive Pleasure (Pleasure That Comes on Its Own)

- Definition: Pleasure experienced without effort, planning, or active action from the individual. These are moments of happiness that arise spontaneously and often unexpectedly.

- Characteristics:

- Spontaneity: Appears without being planned or anticipated.

- External: Triggered by factors beyond the individual's control.

- Temporary: Its effects tend to be brief and not long-lasting.

- Superficial: Does not involve deep emotional or intellectual engagement.

- Examples:

- Receiving praise from a boss for work done.

- Accidentally finding cash on the street.

- Witnessing a beautiful natural landscape while traveling.

- Receiving a surprise gift from friends or family.

- Psychological Implications:

- Can improve mood and reduce stress in the short term.

- Does not significantly contribute to personal growth or self-development.

- Can lead to dependence on external factors for happiness.

- Philosophical Perspective:

- In hedonistic philosophy, passive pleasure is considered a shallow and unsatisfying form of happiness.

- Stoic philosophers argue that true happiness comes from self-control and acceptance of fate, not from the pursuit of external pleasures.

2. Active Pleasure (Pleasure That Is Pursued)

- Definition: Pleasure obtained through effort, planning, dedication, and active action from the individual. This is a more meaningful, lasting type of pleasure that provides a deep sense of accomplishment.

- Characteristics:

- Intentional: Achieved through set goals and planned actions.

- Internal: Triggered by personal motivation, values, and interests.

- Sustainable: Its effects can last long and contribute to long-term happiness.

- Profound: Involves significant emotional, intellectual, and physical engagement.

- Examples:

- Learning a new skill such as playing a musical instrument or a foreign language.

- Achieving fitness goals like completing a marathon or losing weight.

- Building meaningful relationships with loved ones.

- Contributing to the community through volunteering or philanthropy.

- Psychological Implications:

- Increases self-confidence, self-esteem, and self-efficacy.

- Strengthens self-identity and provides a sense of purpose in life.

- Improves coping skills and resilience to stress.

- Philosophical Perspective:

- In eudaimonic philosophy, active pleasure is considered an integral part of a good and meaningful life.

- Existentialist philosophers argue that humans are responsible for creating their own meaning and happiness through the actions and choices they make.

 

Why Pursuing Pleasure Is Considered 'Cooler'?

 

1. Holistic Self-Development: Pursuing pleasure often involves learning, growth, and overall self-development. Individuals become better versions of themselves in the process, acquiring new skills, expanding their horizons, and enhancing their emotional capacity.

2. Deep Sense of Accomplishment and Satisfaction: Achieving goals that require hard work, dedication, and perseverance provides a sense of pride, satisfaction, and accomplishment that passive pleasure can hardly match. This is a type of satisfaction that comes from within and strengthens self-esteem.

3. Control and Autonomy: In pursuing active pleasure, individuals have control over the process, allowing them to adjust strategies, overcome obstacles, and increase their chances of success. This provides a sense of autonomy and control over their lives, which are important components of psychological well-being.

4. Meaning and Purpose in Life: Pursued pleasure is often connected to an individual's values, interests, and life goals, giving deeper meaning to the experience. When individuals pursue pleasure that aligns with their true selves, they feel more connected to themselves and the world around them.

5. Inspiration and Motivation: Stories of people who achieve pleasure through hard work, perseverance, and dedication can be a source of inspiration and motivation for others. This creates a positive ripple effect, encouraging others to pursue their dreams and reach their full potential.

 

Conclusion:

 

While passive pleasure can indeed provide fleeting moments of happiness, active pleasure is far more satisfying, meaningful, and transformative. Pursuing pleasure requires effort, dedication, and courage, but the results are personal growth, a sense of accomplishment, and a more fulfilling life. Therefore, if you want to be "cool" in the true sense of the word, dare to pursue your own pleasure, aligned with your values, interests, and life goals.

Desire can be a source of suffering if it is not accompanied by qualified ability.

   Hi, today I want to share an interesting topic, namely "Desire can be a source of suffering if it is not accompanied by qualified ability", The reason I chose this topic is because many people become victims of their own desires, not a few of them do something reckless and dangerous,  they do everything without paying attention to the laws of the universe that govern the course of human life, before going any further, Let's dive into this question about desires and abilities with a style that's more relaxed, trendy, and relatable, but still informative:

 

Desires vs. Abilities: Making Life Awesome or a Flop? 

- Desires: These are like ambitions, dream goals, or wishlists that we really want to cross off the list. To make life more exciting and colorful, right? ✨

- Abilities: Well, these are the skills, resources, or capital we have to pursue all those desires. Like ammunition to shoot at a target. 🎯

 

So, listen up, guys: Having lots of desires is good, to keep the spirit burning 🔥. But, if it's not balanced with adequate abilities, it can turn life into a "zonk," which means not as expected. 😭

 

Why Can Overwhelming Desires Without Abilities Make You Miserable? 😫

 

1. Unrealistic, Bro! 🤦‍♀️

- Too Much Delusion: Wanting to be Elon Musk right away, even though you're still an intern. Seriously? 😅

- Sky-High Expectations: Setting targets as high as the Burj Khalifa, but not wanting to move. As a result, blaming fate. 🙄

2. God-Level Stress! 🤯

- Chasing Deadlines: Overly ambitious desires make us work hard like a horse without stopping. In the end, mental health falls apart. 💔

- No Time for Healing: Life is just for working and thinking about targets. Forgetting how to have me-time and recharge energy. 🔋

3. Maximum Insecurity! 🥺

- Scrolling Social Media: Seeing IG feeds full of successful people. We become inferior and feel useless. 😔

- Minus Self-Esteem: Feeling like you don't have enough skills to compete in this cruel world. Finally, giving up before fighting. 🏳️

4. Deeply Disappointed! 💔

- Expectation vs. Reality: Hoping the results will be perfect like a VSCO edit, even though you're still a newbie. 🥲

- Not Wanting the Process: Wanting everything to be instant like cup noodles. When failing, immediately becoming a drama queen. 😭

 

Whoa, But Don't Panic Yet! There Are Ways to Outsmart It! 😎

 

1. Get to Know Yourself First: 🥰

- Self-Introspection: What are we really good at? What still needs to be honed to become more pro? 💪

- Ask for Feedback: Ask a bestie or mentor, what are our strengths and weaknesses that haven't been seen so far. 👀

2. Set Smart Targets: 🎯

- Don't Be Overly Ambitious: Start with small targets that can be achieved in the near future. Step by step, baby! 👣

- Break It Down: Divide big targets into smaller missions that are easier to do. Like eating an Oreo, twist it, lick it, dunk it! 🍪

3. Enjoy the Journey! 🚀

- Focus on the Process: Don't just think about the final results that are earth-shattering. Appreciate every progress we make, no matter how small. 🤏

- There's Nothing Wrong with Trying: Failure is the best teacher. That's where we can learn and become even better. 🤓

4. Be Grateful Every Day! 🙏

- Appreciate What You Have: Don't just focus on what we don't have yet. Look around, there are so many things that make us happy. 😊

- Stop Comparing Yourself!: Everyone has their own timeline. Just focus on upgrading yourself. 📈

 

What Netizens of Today Say...

 

- "Life is a marathon, not a sprint." Meaning, life is a marathon, not a sprint. So, relax, enjoy every moment. 🏃‍♀️

- "Don't compare your beginning to someone else's middle." Meaning, don't compare your beginning to someone else's middle. Focus on your own progress! 😉

 

So, the point is: Having lots of desires is normal, to make life more enthusiastic. But, don't forget to balance it with realistic abilities, enjoy the process, and always be grateful. Guaranteed, your life will be more awesome and far from being a flop!