How to reduce my obsession when it makes me stuck in illusion

  Hi, today I would like to share about the interesting topic, namely "How to reduce my obsession when it makes me stuck in illusion", the reason I choose that topic many people become the victim of their obsession, Being a calm person in the midst of chaos in social behavior is very difficult, only people who have a conscience and a clear mind are able to overcome the feeling of obsession.  That's a really courageous and important goal. Dealing with an obsession can be incredibly distressing, and the desire to feel relieved is completely understandable.

It sounds like you're looking for ways to reduce the power your obsession has over you. The process of "rejecting" an obsession isn't usually a quick, one-time mental decision; it's a gradual process of re-training your brain to respond differently to the intrusive thoughts.

Here is a structured approach based on principles from cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) and related methods like exposure and response prevention (ERP), which are highly effective for managing obsessive thoughts.

1. Identify and Name the Obsession

Before you can reject it, you have to clearly define what you are fighting.

 * Write it Down: Clearly state what the obsession is. For example: "I am obsessed with constantly checking that the stove is off," or "I am obsessed with the fear that I will lose my job."

 * Acknowledge It's a Thought, Not a Reality: When the thought arises, immediately label it. Say to yourself (mentally or out loud), "This is an intrusive thought," or "This is my obsession talking." This simple act of labeling creates a small but critical distance between you and the thought. You are the observer, not the belief.

2. Reduce Your Engagement (The Core of Rejection)

Obsessions thrive on the attention you give them. The biggest relief comes from starving them of that attention.

 * The 3-Minute Rule: When the obsessive thought pops up, allow yourself exactly three minutes to think about it. After three minutes, immediately switch your attention to something else. Over time, try to reduce this to two minutes, then one.

 * The "So What?" Technique: The obsession often comes with a catastrophic "what if." Instead of arguing with the thought, ask yourself, "So what?"

   * Obsession: "What if I forgot to send that email and get in trouble?"

   * Response: "So what? I'll check my sent box later and deal with the consequences if I made a mistake, but I'm not going to dwell on it right now." This response accepts the possibility of the fear but refuses to feed the panic.

 * Delay Your Compulsion (Response Prevention): Obsessions are often paired with compulsions (behaviors you do for temporary relief, like checking, asking for reassurance, or mental rumination). The key to relief is blocking the compulsion. If your obsession makes you check the lock five times, try to check it only four times today, then three times tomorrow. This is where the true rejection happens—you reject the behavior that your brain thinks will bring relief.

3. Practice Mindful Disengagement

Mindfulness is a powerful tool because it teaches you to observe your thoughts without judgment or needing to act on them.

 * Mindful Non-Attachment: Imagine your thoughts are clouds passing in the sky. You see them, you acknowledge their shape (the thought content), but you don't get on the cloud and fly away with it. Let the thought drift by without analysis, judgment, or active rejection.

 * Anchor Yourself to the Present: When the obsessive thought starts, immediately bring your focus to a physical sensation in the present moment:

   * Feel your feet on the floor.

   * Notice five things you can see, four things you can feel, and three things you can hear (a simple grounding exercise).

   * Focus entirely on a simple task you are doing, like washing dishes or listening to a song.

4. Seek Professional Support

If this obsession is significantly interfering with your daily life, relationships, or ability to function, it's highly recommended to seek professional help. You don't have to manage this alone.

 * Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) / Exposure and Response Prevention (ERP): These are the gold-standard treatments. A therapist can guide you through the process of gradually facing your fears (exposure) while actively preventing the behaviors that give the obsession power (response prevention). This guided approach is often the fastest and most effective path to lasting relief.

 * Find a Therapist: Look for a therapist who specializes in anxiety, Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD) (even if your obsession isn't formal OCD, the treatments often overlap), or intrusive thoughts.

Rejection, in this context, means choosing a different path—a path of acceptance that the thought is there, but a path of refusal to engage with it. It takes patience and consistent practice, but it absolutely leads to relief.

Why Is It So Hard to Forgive Yourself After Failure? A Psychological Explanation

   Hi, today I want to share an interesting topic, namely "Why Is It So Hard to Forgive Yourself After Failure? ",  The main reason why I chose this topic is because many people experience this kind of attitude when they are oppressed by circumstances that they are not ready to accept. The difficulty of forgiving oneself after failure is a profound psychological phenomenon, often triggered by excessive internal criticism and shame. The healing process can be significantly aided through the Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) approach.

 

Several key psychological barriers make the act of self-forgiveness very difficult after experiencing failure or making a mistake:

 

1. Perfectionism and Unrealistic High Standards

For perfectionistic individuals, any failure is seen as evidence that they are "not good enough" or "incompetent." They set almost impossible standards and see mistakes as a major personal failure, rather than as a result of a situation or learning opportunity. Their internal self-critic becomes very harsh, turning small mistakes into lifelong punishments.

2. Shame vs. Guilt

This is a key distinction: 

- Guilt: Focuses on behavior—"I did something bad." Healthy guilt can motivate to correct mistakes (reparation) and change.

- Shame: Focuses on the self—"I am a bad person." Shame destroys self-esteem and causes individuals to hide or withdraw, preventing them from constructively processing failure and forgiving themselves.

 

3. Ruminating on Mistakes

People who find it difficult to forgive themselves often ruminate on failure scenarios in their minds repeatedly. It's like a "broken record" that keeps playing pain, regret, and criticism. Instead of learning from the past, they get stuck in it.

4. Psychological Inflexibility

This is a key concept in ACT. Psychological inflexibility occurs when someone is too attached to their negative thoughts, feelings, and inner experiences that they cannot act according to their life values. They try to avoid or suppress feelings of guilt/shame, but these avoidance efforts actually reinforce suffering.

 

Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) for Recovery

 

Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) is a third-wave cognitive behavioral approach that is very effective in helping someone forgive themselves after failure. The goal of ACT is not to eliminate pain or negative thoughts, but to increase psychological flexibility—the ability to accept difficult inner experiences while taking actions that are aligned with personal values.

 

Here are ACT steps that are relevant to self-forgiveness:

 

1. Acceptance and Cognitive Defusion

- Acceptance: Instead of fighting or suppressing feelings of guilt, shame, or regret, you are trained to accept that these feelings and thoughts are an inevitable part of the human experience after failure. Acceptance means "being willing to have" these feelings without letting them dictate your actions.

- Cognitive Defusion: Separating yourself from thoughts. You learn to see critical thoughts ("I'm a loser," "I always fail") as just words or mental activity, not as absolute truths. Example technique: changing the sentence "I am a total failure" to "I realize that I have the thought that I am a total failure."

 

2. Being Present

ACT trains you to be fully present in the current moment, breaking the chain of rumination about past failures. By focusing on what is happening now, you reduce the power of the past's grip on your current behavior.

3. Determining Values

You identify core values that are important to you (e.g., being brave, compassionate, or persistent), regardless of past failures. Failure cannot change your values.

4. Committed Action

After accepting the pain (Acceptance) and identifying what is important (Values), the final step is to take small and concrete actions that are aligned with your values.

 

- Self-Forgiveness as Action: Self-forgiveness is defined as restorative action that is consistent with values, not just a feeling. This can include apologizing, learning from mistakes in a real way, and using energy previously wasted on self-blame into energy to build a better future. In essence, ACT helps you see that failure is an event, while your values are a compass; you can choose to move towards that compass, even when your thoughts and feelings hurt.

The Impact of Childhood Trauma (ACEs) on Adult Relationships and Recovery Steps

   Hi, today I want to share an interesting topic., that is "The Impact of Childhood Trauma (ACEs) on Adult Relationships and Recovery Steps", The main reason why I chose this topic is because many small children have trauma due to parental negligence in educating their children. From my observations regarding the traumatic experiences of young children, the average first response that young children express to their parents is indifference towards themselves. This is very confusing for many parents, especially parents who only rely on money as a final solution, Many parents are not aware that a child's indifference towards the role of parents is a form of distrust.  Certainly, childhood trauma or Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs) can have a significant and profound impact on a person's interpersonal relationship patterns and intimacy in adulthood. ACEs encompass various traumatic events such as physical, emotional, sexual abuse, neglect, or household dysfunction (e.g., parents with addiction or mental illness).

 

Here is an explanation of the impact of ACEs on adult relationships and important steps in the recovery process.

 

1. Impact of Childhood Trauma (ACEs) on Adult Relationships

 

Trauma experienced in childhood often disrupts the development of secure attachment patterns, which ultimately affects how a person interacts, trusts, and feels safe in romantic relationships in adulthood.

 

A. Insecure Attachment Patterns

 

ACEs often result in one of three insecure attachment patterns:

 

*   Anxious-Preoccupied: A person becomes overly dependent, constantly seeking reassurance and validation from their partner, and fearing abandonment anxiety.

*   Avoidant-Dismissing: A person tends to avoid emotional closeness and intimacy. They may appear overly independent and withdraw when the relationship starts to get serious.

*   Fearful-Avoidant/Disorganized: A combination of anxiety and avoidance. This person desires closeness but fears intimacy, often withdrawing due to feeling insecure or afraid of being hurt.

 

B. Difficulties in Intimacy and Trust

 

*   Basic Distrust: Experiences of being betrayed or neglected by caregivers make it difficult for trauma survivors to build trust in others. They tend to be suspicious and wait for the relationship to "end" or "hurt."

*   Emotional Dysregulation Issues: Trauma disrupts the brain's ability to regulate emotions. This can manifest as:

*   Hyperarousal: Overreaction to small triggers, such as outbursts of anger, excessive anxiety, or easily panicking in conflicts.

*   Hypoarousal (Dissociation/Numbing): Emotionally withdrawing or numbing (dissociation) when feeling stressed, making it difficult to establish genuine intimacy.

*   Low Self-Esteem: ACEs victims often feel worthless or unworthy of being loved. This causes them to:

*   Accept unhealthy relationships (toxic relationship) because they feel that is what they deserve.

*   Seek excessive validation from their partner.

*   Repetition of Trauma Patterns: Unknowingly, someone who has experienced ACEs may tend to choose partners who have behavioral patterns similar to traumatic figures in childhood (e.g., a partner who is controlling or emotionally unstable), a phenomenon known as trauma re-enactment.

 

2. Recovery Steps for Healthy Relationships

 

Recovery from trauma is a journey that requires commitment, patience, and support. The goal is to build secure attachment with oneself and others.

 

A. Getting Professional Help (Therapy)

 

This is the most crucial step. Therapy helps process and heal old wounds.

 

*   Trauma-Informed Therapy: Look for a therapist who specializes in trauma (e.g., using approaches such as EMDR, Somatic Experiencing, or Dialectical Behavior Therapy/DBT).

*   Recognizing Triggers: Therapists can help identify specific triggers in relationships that activate old trauma responses.

*   Couples Therapy (if already in a relationship): If you and your partner are both committed, couples therapy can help you understand how each other's trauma affects the dynamics of the relationship.

 

B. Focus on Self-Healing (Self-Love and Self-Care)

 

Healthy relationships start with a healthy relationship with oneself.

 

*   Recognize and Accept Trauma: Acknowledge that trauma has occurred and accept that it is not your fault. This recognition paves the way for healing.

*   Emotion Regulation: Learn and practice techniques to calm your nervous system, such as mindfulness, breathing techniques (grounding), or yoga. This helps you respond, not react, when triggered.

*   Self-Love: Prioritize self-care and develop a positive narrative about yourself. Practice self-compassion when you make mistakes.

 

C. Building Safe Relationships

 

Healthy relationship patterns need to be learned and practiced.

 

*   Creating Healthy Boundaries: Set clear and firm physical and emotional boundaries in relationships. Boundaries create a sense of safety and respect.

*   Open and Honest Communication: Practice assertive communication. Express your needs, feelings, and boundaries honestly but respectfully, without blaming your partner.

*   Choosing a Safe Partner: Look for a partner who demonstrates consistency, empathy, and the ability to take responsibility for their actions. Avoid partners who are manipulative, unstable, or do not respect your boundaries.

*   Building Trust Gradually: Trust must be built through consistency and keeping promises (both promises to yourself and your partner). Learn to accept vulnerability gradually in a safe environment.